help my unbelief.

That’s quite the title for a girl attempting to write a Christian blog.

Am I saying I don’t believe in Jesus and His saving grace? Absolutely not. I fully believe that Jesus died on the cross for me and through Him, I will spend eternity in heaven.

Am I saying that my thoughts and actions don’t always live up to my words?

Yes, yes I am.

I like to think back to Peter. The Peter who walked on water. Who kept his eyes solely focused on Jesus.

And yet, the Peter that denied Him.

Sometimes, I feel a lot like Peter.

We see in Matthew 14, where Jesus tells Peter to “Come”. Jesus called Peter out of the boat and onto the water. Peter didn’t even hesitate. He got out and walked toward Jesus.

But in verse 30 it says, “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he called out, “Lord, save me.”” (ESV)

There’s so much that I gather from this. First of all, Peter was confidently WALKING ON WATER until he saw the wind. The wind took his attention away from this perfect time with Jesus.

It distracted him, discouraged him, disappointed him. This was supposed to be his moment with Jesus. It was supposed to be perfect. A beautiful sun-shiny moment with the savior of the world and yet, this pesky wind had to come.

But when Peter put his focus on the wind instead of Jesus, he began to sink.

What is my wind? What causes me to be disappointed with God’s plan? For me, its when I assume I know what my good God should do in a particular circumstance, and He doesn’t

Let’s skip ahead to when Peter denies Jesus. In Mark 14. Jesus and his disciples were “reclining at the table and eating”. They were relaxed, hanging out, doing what friends do. When all of the sudden, Jesus says “One of you guys is going to betray me.” (Obviously I’m paraphrasing here, but I feel like this was a very relaxed setting)

Peter tells Jesus (again, paraphrasing), “Jesus, the rest of these people may deny you, but there’s no way I’m going to. Even if I have to die WITH YOU…I’m not going to deny you.”

In case you don’t know the story, Jesus tells Peter that by the time the rooster crows twice, Peter will have denied Jesus three times.

Those were some bold words from Peter. With good intentions. But as we all know, the follow through fell apart.

Here’s the short version:

-Peter denies Jesus

-Rooster crows

-Peter denies Jesus 2 more times

-Rooster crows a second time

-Peter weeps bitterly realizing what had happened

Peter had good intentions. He really did. Peter wanted to follow Jesus. He wanted to solely focus on Jesus. I believe his heart was in the right place. But his follow through was rocky.

On the water, he turned his focus toward the wind, even though Jesus was standing in front of him. Peter had the faith to get out of the boat, but struggled with the follow through of staying focused on Jesus.

Right before the crucifixion, Peter was bold enough to say that he would never deny Jesus, only to turn around and do that very thing.

How many times do I do that? How many times do I say that I am solely focused on Jesus, only for my actions to not back up those words? How often do doubt and disappointment try to distance me from Jesus?

I don’t deny Jesus. I don’t go around saying I don’t believe in who He is or the things He does. But how often do I deny pieces of Jesus’ truth in my life?

The answer is… a lot.

I often find myself, through my actions, denying that good can come from my circumstances. Or denying that things will ever get better. Denying that this is really God’s plan for my life.

I have good intentions, but my follow through is sometimes as rocky as Peters.

But here’s the good thing.

On the water, when Peter cried out, “Lord, save me,” Jesus did. The Bible says Jesus immediately reached out His hand and took hold of Peter.

And He does the same for us. When we realize that our focus is slipping, or that we are somehow denying part of Jesus’ truths for our lives, we can cry out “Lord, save me” just like Peter…and Jesus will immediately reach out His hand.

Life is going to happen. And sometimes, we won’t see evidence of God working in our lives. Those are the times when it’s easiest to become distracted. To let your actions deny pieces of Jesus’ truth. But just because you don’t understand what God is doing, doesn’t mean you can’t trust Him with it. Just call out “Lord, save me”, just like Peter did.

Easier said than done, I know.

So moral of the story?

Don’t be like Peter, but also, be like Peter.