Grief is weird.
It makes you do weird things. It makes you think even weirder things.
And it affects every relationship you have.
I hope to explore all types of relationships, but today, I’m focusing on friendships.
We all have multiple “levels” of friendships.
Acquaintances, coworkers, best friends.
Strangely, they all seem to get mixed up after experiencing a loss. You can’t seem to figure out who is really there for you. Who really cares deeply about you and what you are going through.
Those who were closest to you before your loss can’t seem farther away. The opposite also holds true. That FaceBook friend who you never speak to suddenly reaches out to you and seems to totally understand everything that’s happened.
I know this was the case for me, at least.
It was messy, and confusing, but here’s what I did to help sort it all out.
Pay attention.
As you go through tough things in life, no matter what they are, pay attention to how those around you react.
Did your “best friend” blow this off like it was no big deal? Did your coworker offer to take care of dinner for a night? Do the people around you recognize and empathize with your situation?
When you need to figure out who your true circle consists of, pay attention during the hard times.
Weed out the bad.
As I said in my previous post, people (mostly) have good intentions. But that doesn’t stop words from hurting. When someone hurts you, put a pause on them for a moment.
I’m not saying to call them out 3rd grade “YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE” style…but a pause can do wonders for your mental health.
You don’t even have to say anything to that person. Just take a step back.
I’ve definitely lost friends through my journey of 7 losses. None of them were big blow-up fights. I just had to distance myself from those who hurt me with words, or those who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) see the depth of my losses.
And when I weeded out the bad…I got to embrace the good.
Embrace the good.
People stepped up for me. During each and every loss. But it was never the people I expected to.
My boss offered to take me to the ER during my first loss when I didn’t know what was happening because I wasn’t sure if my husband could go. My respect and appreciation for her grew a million times that day.
A coworker offered to buy dinner one night after a recent loss.
Through this journey, I became incredibly close with an acquaintance, because we realized that our journeys were similar. She is now one of my very best friends. She rides the waves of grief with me.
In the end.
Grief is weird.
But through grief, I found out who my true circle was by paying attention, weeding out the bad, and embracing the good.
People won’t always react the way you want them to. But that’s the beauty of it. Through hard things, you find your people.
And finding your people….is priceless.